I'm feeling sorry for myself today. I hate these days. Although I seem to have them all too often lately. I love my life, really I do. But it just seems like I have those days where it seems that everything has conspired against me. Nothing in particular brought it on at first but I seem to seek out things to make it worse.
I've been thinking about how no one can love your kid(s) as much as you. No one in the world! Not even aunts or uncles or grandparents (although that can be about as close as it gets) and that's what gets to me. I want that! I feel sad that I've got a baby and have no family to share her with on a day to day basis. I want that...I long for that and desire it but it can't happen. I got to share James and Hannah and Rohan and Ruthie with Esther and Deb for so long that I want my turn of them sharing my time with Izzy. And that's what I mean. No one can love your kids as much as you but some people can be just as excited about them as you and that's family.
I went on facebook and saw that one of Susie's friends wrote to her. That got me reading her wall and it just made me think that I got the raw end of the bargain....for this moment at least. I just want her here celebrating this new little life with me. She would be so thrilled and excited for us. I just miss her...
I love my sisters and I love that they are happy where they are and I'm happy for them. But I miss them and that's mostly just it. I miss being around them...and having Susie gone and Izzy here makes me miss them even more. I love you guys....
Oh well, no one ever said life was fair...I learned that all too early. At least I have a beautiful baby and an amazing husband.....i guess it's not that bad of a bargain after all.
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